A Listicle

Five Times I Fell In Love With You

  1. We were driving home in silence one night – this was a few months ago. Coming home from a party maybe, or just another night out. I remember being pleasantly drunk. My feet were up on the dashboard, and Stephen Speaks was on the radio. Everything felt quiet, and at rest and warm. Your car’s a stick so both your hands were always occupied. But you made sure to hold my hand at every stoplight.
  2. I was going to leave for New York in the morning. I’d be gone for two weeks. That’s the longest we’d be apart in the last 7 months. We sat in the darkness of your car that was parked right outside my house. I said I would miss you on Christmas, and New Year’s and every day I was going to be away. I cried because I already missed you. Because crying is what I do. But you held me and you kissed my cheeks and my eyes and my nose and whispered, “I am so in love with you.”
  3. “Good morning, beautiful.”
  4. I got shit faced at a friend’s birthday party, and I drunk dialed your house and told you to pick me up. You rushed over and carried me on your back – down all 6 floors of my friend’s house to your car, all 16 floors up to my flat, all the way into my bed where you tucked me in and held me until I fell asleep. Held me until the sun came up. Held me because you were scared and angry and because I needed you.
  5. The day we became “official” – you never asked me to be your girlfriend, it was, “Will you be mine?” which was in every way more than I could ever want to be. Because even without asking, even before you loved me, and even before you noticed me, I was yours. I am yours when you wake up, when you sing in the shower, when we drive around the city. I am yours when you’re hurting, I am yours when I dumbly declare that I hate you. I’ll be yours even when you don’t need me to be.

Even when you don’t want me to be. Always.

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